For Pride Month, we wanted to take a closer look at the history behind some of the language we use every day without thinking about it; phrases like ‘spill the tea’, ‘shade’, & ‘slay’. In this blog we explore where these words actually come from, who created them, & why that history still matters today.
The phrase ‘spill the tea’ has become such a normal part of everyday conversation that a lot of people use it without thinking twice about where it actually came from. While most commonly associated with imagery of literal cups of tea, the phrase actually has little to do with the drink.
‘Spilling the tea’ actually means to gossip, or to share information with somebody else. If you ask a friend to ‘spill the tea’ about a date they had the night before, for example, it means you want the full truth with all the juicy details.
But, if it has nothing to do with actual tea, where does the phrase 'spilling the tea’ really originate?
The saying comes from black queer ballroom culture in the 90s. Members of the ballroom scene created & utilised new additions to AAE (African American English) as a way to speak secretly about their lives, so authorities & those who wished to cause them harm couldn’t understand. Similar in use to British queer dialects like Polari, using covert phrases to disguise potentially dangerous speech while also creating an in-group. If you got it, you got it, & if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be safe to tell in the first place.
Tea & gossip were already culturally correlated. Afternoon teas were highly popular among aristocrats in the 17th century, & though they’d often begin these teas with polite chatter, they’d commonly change to sharing societal drama after the first cup. This took on a new meaning in groups made up of women, where men assumed the chatter was just idle gossip. During women’s teatimes they often had important conversations they couldn’t with men around. Through this, the isolated domestic sphere women were allowed was broadened, & community was formed, one where women could express anger & coordinate feminist action.
This tradition of sharing important, hidden truths over tea feeds directly into the idea of ‘spilling the tea’, creating the core image of teatime as a space for honesty, community & resistance, somewhere people could speak openly & be understood.
Here, ‘tea’ could also be spelled ‘T’, short for ‘truth’. These truths were often deeply personal, revealing parts of someone’s identity or experiences they’d usually have to hide from the world around them. Queer people could safely share these stories within the private language & protected spaces they created for themselves.
One of the earliest printed uses of the phrase actually uses the ‘T’ spelling. It appears in the 1994 non-fiction book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, where it’s attributed to trans drag performer Lady Chablis. Through her interviews in the book, Chablis gave mainstream audiences a rare glimpse into the language of Black drag culture. As Merriam-Webster explains: “‘T’ here is short for truth, and her truth is that she’s transgender.”.
‘Tea’ can also be used to mean ‘truth’ or ‘gossip’ even when it is not used alongside the rest of the phrase, creating new meanings. If you hear someone talking about ‘weak tea’, they might be referring to a lie, a partial truth, or disappointing gossip. ‘Sipping tea’ is also common, referring to quietly listening in on gossip or drama without actually joining in.
Many words & phrases from the black ballroom scene have become widely spread through shows like ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ & social media, so much so that some incorrectly call these phrases Gen-Z slang or social media slang. Phrases like ‘slay’, ‘shade’, ‘woke’, & ‘it’s giving’ get thrown around all the time now, often without people really knowing where they came from or what they originally meant. But these words carry real meaning within Black queer communities & are tied to shared experiences, identity, & culture. The history of Black ballroom culture & AAE speakers gets pushed aside or forgotten, & over time the meanings become diluted.
The next time somebody asks you to ‘spill the tea’, remember the rich black queer culture we have to thank for the phrase. Consider how you can share this knowledge, as well as how you can tangibly support the local intersectional queer communities that are the origin of so much art, culture, & innovation.
